Exhaustion

As some of you may know, I have started law school recently. The PLAN was to revise my book in the free time that I had available to me while I was studying.

Now, I’m not sure how I can do that.

It’s not that I don’t have free time. I’m not studying constantly. However, in that free time, I would rather lay down and not move. I want to let my brain chillax. And the brain desperately desires that chillaxing period. I don’t know how to deal with this. I’m tired. Weh.

I feel like what is in control more than anything is my ability to study and that, my friends, is something I am good at. So I devote myself to this, but writing falls behind. I haven’t revised my poor book in so long. I was in a good place too. Sigh.

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I am a crazy person

UGH OKAY. SORRY. LAST POST FOR TODAY BEFORE I GET STARTED ON HOMEWORK.

I just. *frustrated scream* I JUST FEEL LIKE I CAN’T DO THIS. I’m too dumb.

I’m too dumb to write a book.

I’m too dumb to finish law school!!!!

I’m too dumb to do ANYTHING.

UGHSODIGJWEOITJETJI

I’m gonna just, curl up into a little ball and become a singularity. Drift.

Never think about my dreams again.

Recovery

Have you ever received feedback that kind of made you sit down for a second and want to weep? 

I know writers are supposed to grow a backbone, but sometimes, hearing that your reader just “couldn’t get into it” or that your country names you made sound like you got them out of a word-generator….just…ouch. I feel like I need to crawl into a hole and breathe into an oxygen tank for a bit.

Well, to be fair, my reader did read a fairly early version of my first chapter. So by the time she got back to me, I had already revised it with other feedback. 

But then I looked over my revised crap and it just felt terrible too. I wonder where it stops. I wonder if I can improve.

I hate my sentences. I love my story, but I hate my sentences. Sigh. It’s just hard to not go back and fix every little one of them right now. Because I can’t–there are bigger things to fix. Plots to clean up. 8 ( 

Just a few days ago I was really happy with my writing and today I’m just like, wow, the worst. I know of others who have persisted and improved, but is it something I can do?