On Burning Out

I have this strange feeling that there’s something wrong with the way my brain works. Other people are motivated to change their lives and accomplish their goals, but for me, it takes a huge effort just to get myself out the door in the morning. I literally do not want to do anything except be a vegetable.

And that’s awful because there are people who are actually vegetables and I’m sure they’d kill just for a chance to have what I have.

Why was I born…is what I want to ask.

Is this depression? It doesn’t feel like depression. I just don’t want to do anything.

Law school grades finally came out and it was a mixture of goods and bads. The two professors I didn’t care for I ended up getting B-‘s in, but the rest were fine. Who can I blame except myself? A lot of people actually, but ultimately the blame lies in me for entering a rigged game. I didn’t even enter it thinking I could win. What the fuck, was I insane? Now I can’t leave because I’m 20k in the the hole in loans and I don’t know how everything is going to pan out.

When I’m uncertain about the possibilities, I tend to quit. But I fucking shouldn’t. I always fucking do this. Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck. Why am I a human being I fail at it so much.